Human Rights - A Patent Play
Editor:
A Shared Poetic License Project
After receiving an urgent message to come to George Bush’s ranch, Karl Rove is heartened to see the former President in good spirits.
KR: I haven’t seen your “I’m flush like flint & ya’ll are screwed big time” look since
Obama’s inaugural. What’s up?
GB: I’ve finally figured out how to nail down my legacy. I’m going to trademark the
expression “human rights.” When you told me to use “human rights” as our
cover story for invading Iraq, it was fun to see the liberals squirm every time I
said it. But now people forget how I beat them at their own game by
cloaking the Iraq invasion in the UN’s Sunday best.
cover story for invading Iraq, it was fun to see the liberals squirm every time I
said it. But now people forget how I beat them at their own game by
cloaking the Iraq invasion in the UN’s Sunday best.
KR: I knew we’d ride that “human rights” nobility all the way to the bank. The
derivatives melt-down cooled our jets a bit, but don’t worry about your
legacy - you’ll be just like Nixon - when you die, they’ll call you a statesman.
After all, you did exactly what the National Review crew told conservatives
to do in response to the Vietnam War: brand any opposition to war a
“cultural thing,” decry government spending while the war contracts are
legacy - you’ll be just like Nixon - when you die, they’ll call you a statesman.
After all, you did exactly what the National Review crew told conservatives
to do in response to the Vietnam War: brand any opposition to war a
“cultural thing,” decry government spending while the war contracts are
plumping stock portfolios, then blame “big government” spending on the
“culture of the liberals.” People who have lost everything vote “culture”
instead of economics because culture is all they have left. We’ve created
a politics in which everythingis class-backwards, and it sure is working for
us.
GB: I know, I know - the Have Mores think I’m just grand for rebuilding their
wealth after the Enron fiasco, but when people hear the expression “human
rights,” nobody thinks of me. Human Rights has never been the same since
rights,” nobody thinks of me. Human Rights has never been the same since
the Iraq invasion, and I should get the credit for that.
KR: OK, I hear you, and since we sweetened the pot for the “Coalition of the
Willing” by pushing through global harmonization of intellectual property law, it
will be great fun to have them pay us every time they say “human rights.” Let’s
get into the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office online and register your trademark.
Rove gets out his laptop and goes to http://www.uspto.gov
Under Trademarks, he opens “Search Marks,” selects the basic search, and enters “human rights” as the Search Term.
Under Trademarks, he opens “Search Marks,” selects the basic search, and enters “human rights” as the Search Term.
KR: Wow, you’re not going to believe this – there are over 50 trademarks with
the expression “human rights”: Human Rights Watch, Athletes for Human Rights,
Water is a Human Right...
Water is a Human Right...
GB: Liberals trademark stuff?
KR: Looks like they’re all over it. Why don’t we patent “human rights” instead.
Patents aren’t just for “things,” but for business methods, too. That’s your
invention – “human rights” as a business method.
invention – “human rights” as a business method.
GB: Turd Blossom, you’ve done it again! What would I do without you?!
With his laptop still on the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office site, Rove selects the Search feature under Patents and does a Quick Search of “human rights.”
KR: Unbelievable! There are even more “human rights” entries for Patents
than for Trademarks. Let’s see [scrolling down] …one of the first things
here is a game where the winners exercise their “human rights” by
fucking up on purpose so that the losers win. Isn’t that what you did when
you owned the Texas Rangers?
here is a game where the winners exercise their “human rights” by
fucking up on purpose so that the losers win. Isn’t that what you did when
you owned the Texas Rangers?
GB: Wow! If only I had known back then that throwing games away was a human
right, maybe I could have gotten the Nobel Peace Prize!
KR: [Scrolling down some more] ...this human rights stuff is all over the place, from
brain fingerprinting to low-stress shoe design.
GB: From head to toe…
KR: Yes, that’s it! Who’s the Boy Genius now! We want our patent to cover
everything – a business method we can use in any situation to deflect
attention away from our shameless greed. We’ll call it “Human Rights
Environmental Factor.”
With a thumbs up from GB, Rove selects “Add to Cart”.
PATENT PENDING.
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This is a Shared Poetic License project. Please feel free to edit, perform and publish as you wish. No attribution necessary. Partial author Tina Darragh is responsible for this iteration.
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Notes:
“... sweetened the pot for the “Coalition of the Willing” by pushing through a global harmonization of intellectual property law...”
Perry Anderson. Force and Consent. New Left Review 17, September-October 2002.
For a discussion of the relationship between American Exceptionalism and intellectual property, see Ammiel Alcalay’s Poetry, Politics, and Translation: American Isolation and the Middle East (Critical Perspectives on the War on Terror, Cornell University, November 7, 2002)
Available online: http://www.palmpress.org/poetrypoliticstranslation.pdf